I love these helpful self-care tips because they enable readers to claim what they need, and show up for their dreams.
I especially related to this, “Learning to release self-judgment and accept that others may judge you without letting it control you is the path to liberation.”
Love this post. It articulates really clearly how many of us (especially i feel boomers, gen x and I guess millennials) have been, almost unconsciously, conditioned to feel the guilt of putting ourself first and believing it's selfish to do so). I can think of SO MANY scenarios in my life where I've gone along with what I felt I "should do or be" in order to appease another person or fit the "norm", against my own inner knowing that it felt very wrong for me!! I used to think that it was "just how it is" so just get on with it and don't cause a fuss!! Now finally through my mid to late 40's I have learnt A LOT, re framed my thinking patterns, broken habits, learnt new language & understanding to express myself in the way I need to and tools to say no from a place of love & kindness for the other person AND put my needs first, without (as much!) guilt! Still a work in progress but so grateful I've been able to wake up and look after myself in healthier ways. As you wrote...when you told your friend you actually just wanted to stay in... actually she did too!! I've found that's often the way it goes, and it's so worth speaking up honestly and kindly because it allows the other person to see that is ok for us all to give ourselves permission to say no and not go against ourselves! It feels alien to start with, then we realise nothing bad happens! The friend still loves you, the job is still there. I guess the next step after where this post ends is for us all to set our boundaries with ourselves first and communicate them lovingly to others so we don't end up in a position of saying yes when we mean no and then having to disappoint the other person. Enjoying your writing ✍️ 😊
@fay thank you! You nailed it with this insight: "I used to think that it was 'just how it is,' so just get on with it and don't cause a fuss!" Seeing through that lie is essential! I honor all the inner and outer work you've done to put you first (with less guilt). Oh, how our relationships transform—especially the one with ourselves—when we do this.
And YES, when we give ourselves permission to say no, we model it for others. We become wave-makers simply by being ourselves. What a gift! Your mention of boundaries sparked an idea for a future post—it’s so important to remember that it’s okay to change our minds. I just did that the other night with a new friend. That’s the key, isn’t it? “I’d rather disappoint another than disappoint myself.”
Thank you for reading and planting seeds for future conversations!
I love these helpful self-care tips because they enable readers to claim what they need, and show up for their dreams.
I especially related to this, “Learning to release self-judgment and accept that others may judge you without letting it control you is the path to liberation.”
Thank you. And yes - exactly!
Love this post. It articulates really clearly how many of us (especially i feel boomers, gen x and I guess millennials) have been, almost unconsciously, conditioned to feel the guilt of putting ourself first and believing it's selfish to do so). I can think of SO MANY scenarios in my life where I've gone along with what I felt I "should do or be" in order to appease another person or fit the "norm", against my own inner knowing that it felt very wrong for me!! I used to think that it was "just how it is" so just get on with it and don't cause a fuss!! Now finally through my mid to late 40's I have learnt A LOT, re framed my thinking patterns, broken habits, learnt new language & understanding to express myself in the way I need to and tools to say no from a place of love & kindness for the other person AND put my needs first, without (as much!) guilt! Still a work in progress but so grateful I've been able to wake up and look after myself in healthier ways. As you wrote...when you told your friend you actually just wanted to stay in... actually she did too!! I've found that's often the way it goes, and it's so worth speaking up honestly and kindly because it allows the other person to see that is ok for us all to give ourselves permission to say no and not go against ourselves! It feels alien to start with, then we realise nothing bad happens! The friend still loves you, the job is still there. I guess the next step after where this post ends is for us all to set our boundaries with ourselves first and communicate them lovingly to others so we don't end up in a position of saying yes when we mean no and then having to disappoint the other person. Enjoying your writing ✍️ 😊
@fay thank you! You nailed it with this insight: "I used to think that it was 'just how it is,' so just get on with it and don't cause a fuss!" Seeing through that lie is essential! I honor all the inner and outer work you've done to put you first (with less guilt). Oh, how our relationships transform—especially the one with ourselves—when we do this.
And YES, when we give ourselves permission to say no, we model it for others. We become wave-makers simply by being ourselves. What a gift! Your mention of boundaries sparked an idea for a future post—it’s so important to remember that it’s okay to change our minds. I just did that the other night with a new friend. That’s the key, isn’t it? “I’d rather disappoint another than disappoint myself.”
Thank you for reading and planting seeds for future conversations!